Prayers

Today was, in a word, discouraging. I work for the Lord, I have a passion to serve Him and a heart to love kids. A passion and a job that are not always easy. They are more often trying; I feel discouraged and wonder if I am making a difference at all.
Patience is one thing I know I have never had much of but the Lord has really been working on me with this one, which is great! But I know I am not quite there. Rather than get upset Sunday school was a flop I need to remember Romand 8:28, the Lord works out all things for His good. No matter what. All the time, every time. And so I ask you for prayers that I may remember this and my patience would continue to grow.
Pray also for the kids and teens in Sunday school at CrossRoads. Pray their hearts are open to hear to word of the Lord. Pray Jesus would work in them and change their heart.


I know this is nothing profund. I am pleading with you. I feel the Devil has a strong hold on me and the kids and this ministry and that is not ok.

Dear God,

She would have been 75 today. My life's inspiration and the person I miss most in this world, Grandma. I pray tonight, Jesus, that you would sing to her for me and give her a kiss on the cheek with an "I love you". What I wouldn't give to have another birthday to celebrate with her, but I know the celebration is far greater in Heaven.

Love, AJ

Lost

I am feeling a little lost. Only a week after a great confrence where God filled me I am struggling with ministry and my place in it. I know God uses each of us where we are but I am I being used or am I just doing my own thing? I want to do God's will. I desire for Him to work through me. But am I letting Him? I sure hope and pray I am.
Tonight I spent a lot of time thinking on, praying about, and writing the devos for tomorows youth group Bible study. While I spent this time thinking and praying and hoping to get through to these girls I couldn't help but feel helpless. Helpless. Lost. Confused.
I know God has a plan. He has a plan for me at CrossRoads. He has a plan for the girls I spend time with studying the Bible. But, as usual, I can not see any of it. Not that I need to know what God is doing or what He has planned - I trust Him. My problem is I don't know if the girls who I care about what any of it. I want the to know God. I want them to feel loved by God and me. Am I loving them enough?
This week I am going to share with them Colossians 3:2, "Set your minds on wht is above, not on what is of the Earth." and Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three are gathered in My name, I am there among them."
I pray God uses His word to get through to these girls. I pray He uses me, and gives me the words to speak to each individual girl in that room tomorrow.

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"I am not skiled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned. I only know that at His right hand stands one who is my savior" (Song: My Savior My God)

These simple, yet powerful words took on a new meaning for me tonigt. As I watched my little sisters (in Christ Jesus) dance for the Lord, God opened the eyes of my heart. What power He has to use every skill we posses; after all He blessed us with whatever it is we share with the world ( or don't share).

All this brought me to wonder on a few things. The first being my New Years dedication to God to be thankful and content with each day, which I am holding true to (and am a happier person for). However, God, being the big God He is spoke to my heart not only through the dance of my sisters tonight but also through the words of a great friend and mentor who advised me to "take it all in," so to speak, and stop trying to figure God out along the way. His words of wisdom were much needed. As long as I am prayerful about all I do it does not matter if I know why God led me down this road or that road, it is my job and desire to follow my Lord anywhere and everywhere He leads me.

And so I want to engourage all my friends as a friend encouraged me. Follow the Lord, don't question or try to understand why. Whole heartedly follow Him and just watch what He unfolds. It may not be for 5, 10, 50 years, or ever we understand why God does what He does. His plan is too great, big, and powerful for me to understand and I love it that way!

My simple thanks to God today is for dance, music, and great friends who He gives us for encouragment just when we need it!

Happy New Year

A Happy New Year indeed. I can't complain...though we are only 3 days in. And I am working on not complaining the rest of the year. My resolution to myself...though Im not sure how I feel about resolutions in general, but that's another story...is to be content with what I have. I want count my blessings, be more aware of God presence in my life. After all, it is a waste of time to sit arounf wish for thing you want or can't have. Their is more to life, God has a bigger plan and I want to experience all of His greatness.

I pray you, all my friends and family, experience a year of many blessings and feel God's love more than the year past.

Also, an update on my Papa. HE is doing very well, the tumor they took from his mouth was not cancerous. We are so thankful! God has provided and shown His love for us once again. This was truely a test of my faith but I never doubted God's will would be done. Thanks so very much for all your prayers and love for my dad and out family. It truely means more than you know.

Hello Again.

So it has been more than awhile since I have felt like writing. Since getting home I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions busy with family, friends, and putting in way too many hours of work at the mall and not enough at CrossRoads. But as I look back on this year it has been a great one, truely a gift from God.

I was given the oportunity to get a great education and graduated from Trinity Christian College.
I met my newest family members Brooklyn Hope and Nolan Jeffery.
God showed me a new corner of His world when I spent some time in Hawaii.
I've been able to share my faith without persecution (and that is a gift I so often over look).
God challenged me and dove deeper with me into the waters of faith and spirituality.

....just to name a few.

But this year has also been a struggle. I thought I'd be teaching. I thought I'd be living in Hawaii. If you had asked me 6 months ago where I would be and what I'd be doing I promise my answer would not have been "Still iving at home and working two part time jobs." No, but that is ok. I am content. I know I am in a place where God is using me and that is a good feeling. I know my life is not my own and I am happy to give it to God to further His kingdom.

As of late I have had my greatest challenges of the year by far. We are stuggling with a cancer scare my dad got at the dentist just three days ago. When a routine cleaning turned up a red flag of tongue and throat cancer my life came crashing down. Monday was a biopsy and emergency root canal. Today, epidural. We do not know just yet what it is, but God is sure does. I know God has a plan. If it is cancer, God knew it would be before time began. If it is not cancer, He knew this would be a time for us to learn to lean on Him (and not our own understnading). I guess all of this up and down the past few days is what brought me back to this blog. I need to get out my emotions. I need to remind myself that I trust God fully.

My dad is my best friend. We have been through a lot together and without him I am not sure I could have made it thought the past four years. And now with this scare of more illness I worry that the great gift these past 8 years have been with him being here at all are coming to an end. BUT then I remember my God is a BIG God. He is not limited. Not my anything or anyone. His plan for my dad and his life and his health are perfectly planned. I am completly trusting God because He is good and loving and amazing and more than I could imagine or ask for.







"Ever good and precious gift is from above" James 1:17








(Yes, I know this post was all over but it was a reintordution and an update and a release)

Frustration

Lets just get to it. I'm frustrated. I am frustrated with myself. Im frustrated with myself. I am frustrated with everything I'm not doing.

This time four years ago I was in a time of change. I was saying good bye to many and hello to a few. I had high expectations, expectations I didn't live up to, or meet, whichever you prefer. I thought I was moving on and up, following God's plan for my life moving to Hawaii. Well, that didn't last. I do feel like I learned wht God wanted me to and followed His will but I question whether or not I gave up to soon. DId I come home for me or did I come home because it was right and God was calling me back? Right now I just don't know. I don't know anything...at least that is how I feel.

I don't know how or where to get the job I want let alone any job. I don't know why I am still alone. I don't know why I have all these great ideas and goals for my life and I do nothing with or for them.

I do know I want to make a differnce in the world. Or at least I did but right now I am lost. Where do I go from here? What do I do now? I know the answeer is simple, PRAY, but sadly that has been harder than it sounds these days. I know the power of prayer. If nothing else these past few months have taught me the power and importance of prayer yet I sit here writing to myself rather than talking to God. UGH. Frustration. Disapointment.